Jacksonville Florida
“It’s easier here”
DISCLAIMER** I had decided I wouldn’t do enormous cities and also that I’d aim to diversify across continents. I’ve broken both my rules with Jacksonville.
It’s just that Jacksonville is the home of one of my favourite characters, Jason Mendoza from The Good Place.
If you haven’t seen it, it’s a fun show and we all need an excuse to smile.
So on to Jacksonville, Florida.
Hi Jason! I’ve come to visit your hometown, Jacksonville in Northeastern Florida. It’s a big city on the St John’s River and 20 miles from the ocean.
Do you mind if I jump aboard your Skyway? I know that it’s generally laughed at, but I do enjoy a monorail and it seems a little simpler to understand than the buses…
So, they tell me Florida has a reputation of being a state full of oldies but Jacksonville is different because the median age is only 36 here. Jason, where are all the old ducks? Do they stay away because it’s one of the least safe cities in America?
I’ve been told that if I want to join a gang, hang out with drug dealers or pick up a prozzie, I should head to Northwest of Downtown Jacksonville. Not really my scene (I’m over 36 ya know so I’m practically a dinosaur).
So, if I survive Downtown, what else could kill me Jacksonville? The traffic you say, because it’s notoriously fast and the complex one-way systems can make things a little dicey.
Oh, and alligators.
There seems to be lots of alligators hanging around the St Johns River and even living very close to people, cheek by scaly jowl, in the Jacksonville suburbs. Apparently, they are particularly fond of municipal swimming pools and golf courses.
That’s one cranky looking speedbump!
But oh Jaxsonites, no! Your most horrifying critters are the little guys. Bed bugs, mozzies and the biggest roaches in the USA. Actually, not so little. Gulp.
Sorry Jason – this post is getting a little “all the things that can kill you in Jacksonville!”
What else have you got? A 200-year-old oak tree called The Treaty Tree. Ok - tick.
This is heading in the right direction… Anymore nature (of the non bitey kind)?
I refuse point blank to go to the Catty Shack Wildlife Sanctuary or the Jacksonville Zoo. Gawd, Jason, so many sad eyes looking out of tiny cages. It’s too miserable even to put up their pictures!
How are we going for culture? I see you have some museums and art galleries. I'd love to visit the Museum of Science and History - it looks interesting. That’s my kind of MOSH-pit, geddit Jason?
What’s that you say? The Cummer Museum of Arts and Gardens? Erm, I’m not that sort of girl…
Woah! OK, you surprised me with that one! Good find, Jason!
And now you're going to show me The Talbot Islands State Park?
Pristine white beaches, woodlands and wildlife? Arma-fricking-dillo’s and nesting turtles?! Now you’re talking!
While we’re out and about let’s explore the 22 miles of beaches.
OK, I’m starting to warm to Jacksonville, a tiny bit. Just wondering Jason, did you name it one of the 21 Supercool Cities in America? That sounds like something you’d say.
Honestly, I'm not sure Jacksonville is going to make it to The Good Place, Jason but I guess that’s just how you like it.